A long, long time ago
I can still remember when I used to drive to work
And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could learn to wash my hands
And figure out how not to go berserk!

Yes COVID-19 made us shiver
Crack the front door just a sliver
Are people out there masked-up?
If not, well, what's the hold-up?

I can't remember if I cried
When I read that I must stay inside
Try to take it all in stride
And then, my VPN died.

Chorus:
  So Why, Why, must we all stay inside?
  Stupid virus, undesirous, but it's better to hide
  Shopping cart down at the Wal-Mart thoroughly sanitized
  The pandemic's taking us on a ride!
  The pandemic's kicked us in the backside!

Did you write a Facebook post
About eating nothing but burnt toast
And maybe just a glass of juice?
Oh, do you believe in drive-through cuisine
And eating by the light of a screen?
And do you crave an analog outdoor scene?

While the County Judge was looking down
I went outside and I looked around
I managed not to die there
I even breathed some fresh air

But the wise man we admire most
Doctor Fauci, looking bellicose,
Yelled "Stay inside!  Don't be a host!"
I guess he'll be our guide

And we were singin'...

  Why, Why, must we all stay inside?
  Stupid virus, undesirous, hit us hard nation-wide
  Shopping cart down at the Wal-Mart thoroughly sanitized
  And now we even have to dine out curb-side!
  Six feet apart until it subsides

I met a doc named Deborah Birx
I asked is a vaccine in the works?
But she just smiled and turned away
So I turned the tube to the national news
But everyone there only sang the blues
They had no idea, made it up along the way
And Main Street was all boarded up
Politicians hiding, they won't show up
I guess it's up to us now
Time to apply our know-how

And the One that I rely on Most,
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost
Said "Peace be with you" from coast to coast
Just listen; He'll be our guide

  But Why, Why, must we all stay inside?
  Stupid virus, undesirous, took us for a joy ride
  Shopping cart down at the Wal-Mart thoroughly sanitized
  Social distancing is amplified!
  Six feet apart until it subsides
  
  Oh Why, Why, must we all stay inside?
  Stupid virus, undesirous, and we're all stupefied
  Shopping cart down at the Wal-Mart thoroughly sanitized
  The pandemic's kicked us in the backside!